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This blog is the latest instalment of What Would She Do? A column written for Women, by Women.
Regardless of your views on the holidays, many of us can’t opt out of the festivities, and the social obligations, mental load, and financial burden that they entail.
So, my goal for these holidays is to look for ways to enjoy them like I used to as a kid. Summer holidays used to be a reprieve from the school year, an opportunity to spend more time with friends, do activities that never quite fit into a weekend, and of course look forward to Christmas. Delicious food! Beautiful decorations! Singing Christmas carols 8 hours a day and, of course, gifts!
The question is - when you’re the one cooking, cleaning, and buying all the gifts can you still find joy and relaxation in the holidays? I think so, if we just make a few changes to the way we approach the silly season. This year let’s actively rediscover the joy, share the load and invest in ourselves.
Research from 2021 indicated that Kiwis spend on average $561 per person for Christmas festivities, however that focused mainly on the day itself, with presents, food and travel being the main expenses. It’s unclear whether this includes the before-the-day presents such as the semi-obligatory treats for your kid’s entire class plus a thoughtful gift for their teacher, not to mention the fully obligatory office secret Santa, hairdresser, sports coaches and neighbour. My guess would be that it severely underestimates the increased spending from mid-November to February
Now, I’ve read plenty of ‘Thrifty’ Christmas ideas; collecting pinecones with your small children on a summers’ morning sounds idyllic and creating a Martha Stewart worthy centrepiece with them using household craft items would be a lovely thing to post on Pinterest. Sadly, the reality of this starts with trying to juggle a handful of pinecones while keeping hold of mud-covered children because it’s Wellington and a summer’s morning quite likely involved rain last night. Once you have all the children and the pinecones home you can then watch your living room dissolve into chaos, resulting in a centrepiece best described as a glitter-drenched monstrosity. To top off the joy, you will never be allowed to throw this masterpiece away, on pain of heartbroken children.
And I don’t want to make generalisations, but I’ve yet to see a men’s magazine extolling the best Christmas recipes to ‘please the whole family’ or holiday crafts to keep the kids entertained. We know that women do the majority of housework and childcare, even when both adults work full time, but the majority of women are also managing the household budgets. As a client of mine pointed out last time we spoke, women are labelled as being big spenders, but how much of the spending is actually for the kids or the household? We not only have the mental load of remembering that Mr 1 needs new shoes and Miss 6 needs holiday programme paid for, but also have to be the one to go shopping, balance the budget to pay for everything, and then often deal with internalised guilt over spending too much!
Not only that but studies show that a third of all Kiwis are going into debt each year as a result of Christmas spending, and young adults are over represented in this with 43% planning to borrow to fund their Christmas spending last year. It's not terribly surprising, then, that the top New Year’s Resolution last year was to save more money. Now, I’m a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions personally, and if I’ve justified a new notebook and fancy pens to write them out, even better! But it seems like vowing to spend less after the most financially draining month of the year, is a bit like swearing off alcohol because you’re nursing a hangover. It’s a knee jerk reaction to feeling awful, but it’s not going to last.
My solution? Start working on your financial goals and plans for 2023 now – while it’s proactive and measured – and start by making the end of the year a positive financial experience, so you’re motivated to keep up the good work in the New Year.
First let’s rediscover the joy of the holidays. What is it that you love the most? I personally love food and cooking, my Mum on the other hand would do almost anything rather than oversee the meal, so we have a natural division of labour for Christmas day. Sit down with your partner or family and think about how much you really enjoy everything that’s coming up and which aspects inspire excitement, or dread for each of you. If you’re an introvert that is dreading half the events coming up, do you really have to attend them all? Do you love shopping for all the gifts? Or creating and putting up all the decorations? Which bits bring you joy, and which don’t? You’ll find some natural differences within your family that will help you with the next step, and to understand what each person is motivated by!
Secondly, share the load (financial and physical) this year. Once you’ve identified what you look forward to and enjoy the most, you can then take everything else and work out whether it can be ditched altogether, delegated to someone else, or actually has to stay on your plate. Also remember that people can and should contribute to the areas you’re in charge of. Just because you’ve agreed to host and cook Christmas dinner doesn’t mean you have to cover the entire food bill. Even if you’re actively purchasing everything, all the adults attending can and should still chip in. This can apply to organising gifts, or the travel and accommodation for the family, or any number of things where the prize for being organised is often footing the bill.
Thirdly, focus on yourself. And notice that I didn’t say ‘reward yourself’, because prioritising yourself and your needs is not a reward to be earned if you are ‘good’ enough. We all deserve to put ourselves first at times and we rarely do.
My top three recommendations for that are:
Through an actual investment – take the money you’ve saved by prioritising and delegating this year and put it into an investment for yourself. We can help if you’re not sure where to start
Invest in yourself by spending that money on something that will benefit you, by that I don’t mean bubble baths and candles, I mean personal or professional development. There are conferences, coaching courses and seminars throughout the year, so if you’re not mentally ready or haven’t quite saved that much by New Years, look at what you have put aside as the down payment on something for yourself later in the year. You could even consider whether you’ve been neglecting your health (physical or mental) and use some of those funds to get the basics taken care of, so you start the new year off feeling your best.
Lastly, you could invest in your financial future by coming to see a professional like myself and making a financial plan. Whether you want to save more, spend less, get your money working harder for you, see the impacts of having another child, change jobs, retire early…the list of possible outcomes to a financial plan is as plentiful as the number of people who walk through our door. Each client has their own goals and is starting from a different place in their lives, but they all end with clarity, confidence and a way forward.
This summer, let’s normalise saying no, setting aside the guilt, and just having fun like we used to as kids.
Elizabeth.
Elizabeth is the author of a monthly blog What Would She Do? A column for women, by women.
Read more about Elizabeth's blog here
Elizabeth Tsikanovski (FSP693611) is a Financial Adviser with Velocity Financial (FSP95466). No investment decision should be taken based on the information in this blog alone. Please see Elizabeth’s disclosure statement on our website.